one last thing...

Along with extra copies of the program for Mom's funeral service, I also have copies of Mom's eulogy and obituary that I can email to anyone who wants one. My email address is dmtne@hotmail.com if you want one.

Thank you

Mom's funeral today was absolutely beautiful. It was full of music, just the way she would have wanted it. So many people payed such a beautiful tribute to a wonderful woman through words and music. It was a gorgeous, sunny day outside and Mom looked beautiful. As a family, we want to thank all of those people who came to say goodbye to Mom, the people who sent cards and flowers, and those who participated in the service. It means a lot to all of us to know that Mom was so loved.

I wanted to post a copy of her service program so that those who couldn't be there could see it. I have several extra copies, so please, if you couldn't make it to the service and would like a copy of her program, please let me know and I'd be happy to send one. You can leave a post here or email me at dmtne@hotmail.com

Thanks again to all.

Viewings and funeral

A viewing will be held on Tuesday the 22nd from 5pm to 7pm at the Evergreen Washelli funeral home in North Seattle at 11111 Aurora Avenue North, Seattle, WA. 98133. The funeral will be at the LDS Harbour Pointe Building on Wednesday the 23rd at 11am located at 11001 Harbour Pointe Blvd, Mukilteo, WA 98275. There will be a viewing held at the church one hour prior to the funeral service. Burial will take place directly after the service and will be at the Edmonds Memorial Cemetery in Edmonds.

Goodbye

Mom passed away peacefully this evening about 5pm with me, Ashley, and my dad by her side. While it is hard for us to have her gone, it is a blessing that it happened quickly and she was not in any pain. We know she has influenced many and we are thankful every day that she was in our lives.

I will post any details about the funeral as we have that information.

Friday night

Today is another rough day for our family. Mom's body seems to be in the process of shutting down. Her breathing has changed and she has been sleeping all day and is not responsive to us at all. Charlie, Ashley, my dad, and I have been with Mom all day. Charlie has just left to go to the airport to pick up Melissa so that we can all be here with Mom. My dad left this on a post, but I wanted to have it on the main page...

Friday, 4 PM

The Hospice visiting nurse just left, having attended to Gail and coached the family about how to care for her in her final hours. Gail appears to be in no pain, even as the vital systems of her body are now in the process of shutting down. Thanks to all, again, for those many, many who keep Gail and our family in your thoughts and prayers.
Jim

updates

Here are some updates from Charlie and my dad.

Ashley and I have spent the day here with Gail. She has been napping off and on , but arouses when we talk to her or mention a happy memory. She smiled at the blog messages and they sure brought back many happy memories for me and Ashley as we read them to her. Thank you to everyone for taking the time to send her messages of love.

Gail has taken a little bit of ensure and some juice. She seems to be comfortable and we are thankful for Maria for working so hard to care for her.

We are looking forward to Melissa's arrival tomorrow.

Even during this difficult time, Gail gives us small indications that she hears us and loves us. It has been a blessing to be here with her.
Charlie

Gail rested well Wednesday evening/Thursday morning. Now agitation is stablized, we are working with Hospice to shift to liquids, from pills, where ever possible. Where a substitute liquid does not exist, then pills are crushed and mixed with a bit of apple sauce. Also, there is hopefulness that given continuing stability, Gail's dosages of calming drugs may be reduced a bit, to facilitate greater "wakefulness."
Jim

Let's do this again...

A couple months ago, I asked everybody who checks this blog to post a comment to Mom to help get her spirits up, and she got an unbelievable amount of messages. I was wondering if we could do that again. When I visit her, I try to tell her all of the messages of love that people have left here, and would love it if I had to print out a long list of everyone that wants to say hi. I noticed that the blog had over 200 hits yesterday, and so I know there are lots of people out there who are thinking of Mom quite a bit. So, if you have a minute, please take some time to say hello to Mom, even if its nothing more than writing your name. If you want, write a favorite memory, tell how you know her, or just tell her you're thinking of her. It is also bringing a lot of comfort to our family to know how much our Mom is loved.

Mom is hanging in there. I took the kids down to see her yesterday. Noah spent his time with Grandma tickling her and talking to her. She was awake some of the time while we were there, and seemed to be aware of the conversations that we were having. She is an amazing woman.

party at Mom's

Mom had a full house today. Mom's niece, Kris, and her family came by today. Kris' son Grayson made a nice card for Mom that we taped to her banner. Jim and Becky Summers also came by for a while.


Always the sports fanatic, we had the Seahawks playoff game on her big screen TV while we visited. Mom was definitely not feeling as well today as she was yesterday, and was not able to say anything. She also didn't feel up to eating or drinking much of anything. She had her eyes open quite a bit while her visitors were there, and gave us a smile or two when she was listening to us talk. I got a big smile out of her when she heard that Ashley is probably coming back to town next week, and Kris and I were joking that Mom's house is going to be party central in the next week or two, with a lot of Mom's favorite people coming in and out.

Friday

I wanted to let everyone know that I had a really good visit with Mom today. She was awake when I arrived and stayed alert the whole time. She even got a few words out, saying "I love you" and "bye" on the phone to Ashley, and then also telling me that she thought a movie that we watched last Sunday was "really good." Her hospice nurse that was there today made her a protein smoothie, and Mom ate quite a bit of it, along with some water and Ensure. She even ate a piece of chocolate! She really brightened up when she heard that Charlie is coming to town on Wednesday and Melissa on Friday. I tried to convey all the messages of love that people have posted to Mom today. I truly feel as though she knows how much she is loved.

We know that each day, even each hour, will be different with Mom in the next couple of weeks, but we are thankful for each moment that we get to be with her. This has been a hard time for all of us, but we continue to support each other and Mom.

Thursday

Today has been a rough day for our family. Mom has been declining pretty rapidly over the last couple of days. I got to spend some time with her this morning and got to tell her how much she is loved and that she is a wonderful mother and example. She has not been eating much and is sleeping a lot. She is not able to communicate at all anymore, though I know that she was aware of me and knew who I was. We are all very surprised at how unbelievably fast this disease has progressed recently. Family will be arriving in town in the next week to be with Mom in this next phase (I believe her cousin, Joyce, actually was there visiting today), and are grateful for all the opportunities that we get to be a support and a comfort to her now. Please continue to keep Mom in your prayers and if you can, stop by to hold her hand and tell her how much you love her.

Good day

I wanted to post some pictures of Mom today. She had a good day, with lots of visitors and action in the house.

This is Mom with her bath aide, Rozene (left), and her caregiver, Maria (right). We are so thankful for these two ladies who have provided such kind and loving care for Mom.

Mom's friends, Jim and Becky Summers, came for a visit today. Jim is very talented musically and played the piano for Mom. She has desperately missed being able to play the piano herself since she got diagnosed, and this was very nice for her to have music in her home again.

I am shocked by the amount of people that have been checking this blog daily to check in with Mom and see how she's doing. The blog's stat counter said the blog had over 90 hits today alone! It makes us all so happy to know how loved she is and how often she is thought about. I hope that over the next few weeks, as you think about and pray for Mom, that you would share in a post some of your memories and stories of her since those are so fun to read and really lift her spirits.

Finally, here is a bit of the update from my dad today:
1-7 Monday
Gail woke last evening with a period of agitation that lasted about 90 minutes (3-5am)

Overall, today was a good day for Gail, and with lots of visitors including her friend Jim Summers who also played piano for her.

The occupational therapist visited to figure out and order a protective covering that will take pressure off of the wound and also be less likely to be ripped off.

Gail says the air bed must go back.

Overall, we are hopeful of a restful evening including as I prepare to get back into the classroom on Tuesday.

daily updates

My dad has recently been emailing Melissa, Ashley, and me, daily updates about what Mom is experiencing. I thought I would post little bits of the emails occasionally, just so that everyone has an idea about how Mom is on a daily basis.

1-6 Sunday

Good night’s sleep last night; Regular calls to/from Hospice people, now, about two per day, are a lifeline of sorts with guidance about how to get through each problem.

About 8am Gail wakes, quickly becomes agitated. Light breakfast, then we read newspaper together. We are learning together how to work the electric bed, electric, inflating mattress, etc. (Jigsaw finds it boring that no Hospice people are here Sunday morning, particularly bather Rosene) Gail with some help has a modest bath with wash cloth.

The bandage was ripped off twice over last evening; each time replaced with a clean dressing but w/o packing. Late morning we repacked the wound. Also Gail and I discussed this morning the content of a conversation with the on-call nurse, Friday evening, about the next step, should the wound re-infect, which is increasingly probable with the bandage being ripped off frequently. (Fortunately the occupational therapist will be here Monday to search for ways to protect the wound including, hopefully, from the bandage being ripped off) In the event of re-infection, Gail, with support from me, family and Hospice will need to decide, the nurse says, about whether to intervene with intravenous antibiotics (in hospital or skilled nursing residence), or maintain Gail’s comfort level with narcotics while the infection (rather than the tumor) claims her.

Gail now is unable to use the walker, but is able to use the wheel chair.

Gail has had a calm, enjoyable afternoon and evening. Megan, the only visitor, came from 3 to 5:30 while I got away to go to the gym, buy groceries and pick up dinner.



1-5 Saturday

Last night Gail went to bed early, around 9.

Through the continuing night of agitation, she got perhaps 2-3 hours of sleep (for me also), ripped off her bandages again and left significant blood and wound seepage on her night clothes and the bedding.

Today the air bed was delivered and set up, and Maria talked me through use of the Hoyer lift, although I will try not to use it until the PT demonstrates it on Monday.

Gail now moves with great labor; the walker is virtually a thing of the past. Tonight she ate dinner in bed. Most recently she expressed anger and agitation when the channel changer could not be found in her bedding. Much of the panic, I believe, is not being able to find the words to describe what she wants. As we tucked her in at 9pm, she required help to turn onto her left side.

We are both hopeful of good sleep ahead.


1-4 Friday

Thursday the Hospice nurse Sandy spent about 90 minutes with Maria (Maxim Homecare), Gail and me. She is ordering an air bed for Gail, to be delivered Saturday. It has a blower motor and is used primarily for invalid patients to cope with bed sores. On Wednesday we learned from the Wound Healing Center that in Gail’s frail condition it is not likely to heal much and the best hope may be to keep it from re-infecting.

Today Hospice had a Hoyer lift delivered, although we will not be trained on its use until Monday, by a physical therapist. The occupational therapist will also return to design a protective covering for the wound. The two wounds have now merged into one larger one. Sandy interacted with the Wound Center to confirm that damage does not extend into the bone and ligature, as best they can determine, although it does go right up to that level.

Given my limited experience with medical equipment, the Hoyer lift looks quite a bit like an engine hoist (the only thing I can compare it with). It attaches to a cloth “basket” and will enable one person to move Gail, when she is otherwise unable to move herself. The cloth basket also deconstructs to enable it to be laid flat, and then the fallen person rolled onto it, before it is reconstructed/secured. Maria indicates it also works for car transfers. (Wednesday was extremely taxing for Gail (and me) to assist her in and out of the car for the two medical appointments)

Last evening was a very unrestful one for Gail. At 5am she was thrashing, tearing off the bandage, but calmed quickly with yet another dose, taking her through breakfast at 8:30-9:00. Thus far this evening (Friday) she is sleeping peacefully, thankfully.

Since Thursday the gait belt has been used for all transfers from bed to standing, etc. Gail’s right foot is now fully dysfunctional and uncontrollable, and turns outward. It is also swollen and at times a bit blue/purple.

We consulted with Dr. Campbell from the Wound Center about diabetes, which she indicates reduces the body’s healing. However, her opinion is that in Gail’s frail situation, comfort is more important than perhaps slightly better wound healing. I told her Gail now regularly snacks on almonds (great source of protein), raisins, chocolate, and an occasional donut. She smiled and indicated that in her opinion we should not interrupt Gail’s food preferences for chocolate, etc. Comfort, in her opinion, is the most important value.

conversation piece

Tyler decided that he wanted to do something nice for Grandma, so he made a banner for her to hang on her wall that says "We Love Grandma."

Mom is now pretty much unable to carry on a conversation, she has a hard time finding words and gets frustrated easily. We thought that this might be a good conversation piece for her visitors. When you visit Mom, please sign her banner and then feel free to read what else is written on the poster to her. She would love to hear all her messages.

Mom also got a lift delivered to the house, and my dad will learn how to use it on Monday. It is used to help move Mom from place to place and also to help her up if she falls. She also got an air bed delivered to the house which will help relieve bed sores.

I also wanted to share this picture of Mom with her sons-in-law. They are very much a part of Mom's care, too, mostly taking care of kids and helping with cooking and clean up so the rest of us can enjoy time visiting with her. The picture I tried to post with Steve photo shopped in didn't want to post, so here's the one of just Mario and Dan.

Dr. Goldberg's visit

Mom went to see her oncologist today. Dr. Goldberg has decided that the best thing for Mom now would be to stop chemotherapy. With the sore on her arm healing very slowly, it would actually be quite dangerous to give her the chemo, as it would slow her ability to heal the wound, which could then become reinfected. He is also concerned about her quality of life. He discussed with them the different things that they can do in the future to help keep her comfortable.

Mom actually took the news well. She says that she is actually feeling a bit of relief. I think it is because she was wanting to be so strong and to fight this for all of us and now she is able to just let go a little bit.

We don't know what the coming months are going to bring for our family, but we are all very thankful for Mom and for the example of strength, determination, faith, and love that she has been to us, not just since her diagnosis, but her entire life. Mom is very appreciative of all of the thoughts, prayers, and visits that so many have given her, and we hope that they will continue.